“My Declaration”

I was on my way to Hell; when the Lord sent out a Rescue Party – they were dressed in Love, Peace, Longsuffering and the Joy of the Lord. They “carried” me to safety – one step at a time. Like Lazarus – my wounds were bandaged – my grave clothes – reeked with the stench of death. I saw their faces – their eyes of sorrow – overwhelmed with compassion – some even opened their arms and embraced me. Like a leper – sores exposed – an outcast – I expected rejection. Fear overwhelmed me – I staggered – appearing as a drunken man – unconscious of my true state of wretchedness. I was bound up in sins: perverted speech, anger, un-forgiveness, pride, adultery, bitterness, and witchcraft, thoughts of suicide, idol worship and low self-esteem. My rottenness came from within. My eyes were “blinded” from seeing the Truth – The Enemy incarcerated me into the world system – the culture demanded my allegiance. My “friends” encouraged me to sin – entertained by me “struggle”. I was barricaded behind a “wall” of deception – No way out!

Like a little child I was led deeper and deeper into a Cavern – the darkness engulfed me – drowning in wickedness. Living in Sodom hardened my heart – my family “mocked” me – pretended like I was a “fool” – for offering salvation. I had become a blind-guide. Worthless – unable to save myself – my own compromise gave them reason to “scoff” – they laughed as I pointed them to safety. They were drunk in their own sins – and beckoned me to stay. Destruction loomed – I saw the “fire” rapidly approaching. I was tempted to look back – to live in contentment – but Mercy provided an open door – a “vision” of my future – the reward for my obedience. I must now teach others the way to the Lord – like King David – I was given a second chance. I was rescued from death, washed from my iniquity and cleansed from my sins. I must open my mouth and make a Declaration.

Praise continually on my lips – my brokenness – now my sacrifice! No more wandering into sin – unaware of temptation – my eyes are fixed on the Author and Finisher of my faith – His goodness poured into my lap. Now conscious of His Presence – I walk in strength and courage. The Atmosphere “shifts” when He appears. Walls crumble – chains are broken – demons take flight. I am now walking by faith and not by sight. Like the prophet Habakkuk – I seek justice from God. He exposes nakedness – the shame of their plunder. Idols fall down to worship the True God – Speechless! I am astounded – by Your wrath. I “see” the destruction of the enemy – Your unquenchable anger. The mountains – the raging waters – the deep gave forth its voice – “Salvation Triumphs!” You crushed the head of the house of the wicked – pierced with their own arrows – the poor no longer devoured in “secret”. I tremble at your answer – my lips quiver – rottenness enters my bones – my legs shake with fear – Invasion is Eminent. The Forces of evil used to bring me back – Evidence of Your Sovereignty. I am sure-footed – the Truth advances like a soldier on horseback – Swift. The earth now filled with Knowledge – the Glory of the Lord. God the Lord is my Strength. He is my Rock and my Fortress, my Strong Tower and my Deliverer. I will not be shaken. I will wait – for His Justice.

          Psalm 51, Habakkuk 2, Psalm 1, and John 11:38-44, Galatians 5:22-23, Genesis 19, Psalm 62, Joshua 1

 

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RESURRECTION!!!

Unforgivable Terrain – I had no advance notice as I plunged into the arctic air. The icy blast bit my skin – blustering winds – strong and swift. No adequate protection. Fear gripped me – Reality – “I may die out here” My accusers taunting words “convert or die” – Haunting. Now I must survive – But how? I saw nothing but mountains of snow for miles – no inhabitants. I looked up – Scavengers, waiting for a meal. The winds were relentless – Fierce. A mission of mercy turned against me. Tears now turned to icicles on my cheeks – each breath labored – calculated – disoriented from the lack of oxygen. The numbness in my fingertips – signs of trouble.

What made me decide to enter forbidden territory? I was seeking change for a forgotten people – those perishing without the Truth. Where is Your “still” small voice? I need to hear You. Am I the only one left? Where is your remnant? Alone I stumbled again and again – Deep Darkness – The weight of yesterday crushed my soul. My mind began to play tricks on me – Darkness setting in – shadows – moving closer. Like when Jezebel haunted the prophet Elijah with her words “By this time tomorrow you will be dead” My accusers mocking words. Should I surrender to the elements? Am I willing to die for what I believe? I must push the boundaries – go beyond my natural instinct – Logic. My soul is in need of CPR. – Critical condition. Hope fleeting – as nightfall slowly crept in. Now I am challenged to walk by faith. Avalanche of emotions threatened to bury me – Whiteout! Will there be a search party? No way to send an SOS. Will the forces of evil prevail? Then I remembered the red handkerchief tucked inside my pocket – a small token from those I was sent to deliver. Little hope – with a short prayer I unfolded it and begged for mercy. Day two comes, and night fall. Day three! – Resurrection!!

Out in the distance, – sounds of freedom. I saw a red chopper; blades glistened in the sun’s rays. Hands outstretched – little strength – surrender. Later being lifted to safety I clutched my symbol of Salvation. It is finished!

Scripture references; 1st Kings 19:2, Romans 11:3-5, Mark 8:31

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“Blindsided”

 

The news came with the force and power of a truck tearing through my deepest emotions – I held on to the table to steady myself, determined not to collapse under the weight of the instant grief – death had crept in and demanded complete access. There was an assault on my faith – questions about my desire for purity and set apartness to be used by God. Emotions “stormed” in and flooded my entire being. I did not see this coming – I was “Blindsided”

– It seemed I had let my guard down, began thinking I had held a place of honor during our times of fellowship, sharing meals and laughter, which at times provided much healing for my exhausted soul. Being “blindsided” can have devastating effects – but over time – I have been taught many lessons. God continues to show me my weaknesses through the losses I have suffered. Where sin has had a strangle hold on my loyalty to Him – He exposes the idols in my life: People – My own dreams – Things I have used for comfort – My desire to belong to a family – Sometimes even my love affair with food. All are illegitimate ways to fulfill a legitimate need.

Where was my Belt of Truth? Over time I had put it away for safe keeping and began relying on the words of others, my own understanding, to keep me “afloat” in my journey of faith. My “flotation” device must be the Word of God and His Holy Spirit.

While I was being groomed by God to take the “Baton” of faith – to be used in the next generation to impact His Kingdom – I was “tripped” up in the race of my life – by the words of the Enemy. He is the accuser of the brethren. I laid wounded – bloodied – gasping for air because I had let my guard down. I was forced to inspect my life – with the mirror of God’s Word – able to see the breach – where the wall was in ruins. I had become so comfortable – I did not recognize “all” the warning signs. There was danger up ahead but my vision was obscured – because I had begun to put my trust in man – “Blindsided”

Determined to gain the victory – I needed to stay close to my Shepherd – He began to set a table before me in the presence of my enemy – I began to eat choice foods from God’s Word – and cried out to Him continually for deliverance from my emotional struggles. I needed to face the “giant” head on with the strength and courage He would provide. As time progressed – the pain gradually diminished, and the force of the news began to dissipate. My longing to be free from those “iron chains” had overshadowed the sweet fellowship I had once enjoyed. There was now only room for One God in my life. As a captive – I needed freedom and God’s Word was the only way – the birthing of new life is painful – it’s messy – there will be discomfort. But God had declared that I am a new creation – I must continually live in that reality, if not I will be “Blindsided”

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IN THE WAITING ROOM

I have been waiting on God to change my son…….. but as the years march on my prayers have been altered – becoming more intentional and specific. God continues to reveal His heart for my son – He desires for Kevin to know Him intimately – like Moses, to have a “face-to-face” encounter ….. In which God will manifest in such a way that his life will be changed forever.

On December 6, 2013, I received a call – it was a familiar story: My son was arrested again – As I quieted my heart, I recognized that the last three months of our time shared were instrumental in preparing me for our separation. You see for those three months I was experiencing Warfare of the worst kind – the Enemy had pronounced a death sentence; by infiltrated my son’s mind and was promoting complete destruction. Kevin struggled with suicidal thoughts and because of their intensity – God in His mercy dispatched an “army” of prayer warriors to become “violent” on his behalf – But this was not the first time……. (Matt. 11:12).

Back in July 2011, Kevin was released from incarceration after serving eight months for drug possession. God in His grace had allowed us to restore all the things which the Enemy had stolen from him: a car, a safe place to live, food and clothing – but within a few days of freedom – my son was struggling. We sat together in a church service that first Sunday morning – but as I looked into his eyes, I saw the tears and this time he was different. I was allowed a brief glimpse into the “struggle” as he shared his thoughts: earlier on his way to church a “voice” had told him to drive his car off the freeway. The Enemy had pronounced judgment – he wanted my son’s life – but once again God intervened – and extended His mercy. Prayers began going up to petition Him for Kevin’s life. It was an intense season of intercession as we were forced to re-enter The Waiting Room.

Now, years later, the “struggle” had become too much for him. The Enemy’s oppression was evident – and my son’s own obsession with the riches of this life had left him weak and impotent – unable to fight. This torment continued for weeks with little relief; many times I sensed I was looking into the eyes of a “madman”. It seemed his choices had flung the door wide open for a satanic invasion. Within three months – God intervened again by extending mercy and snatched him from the path of destruction – allowing Kevin to receive five years – a sentence for drug possession. Although I am still in The Waiting Room – I am encouraged and confident that God will mature my son to eventually see His Divine perspective: God will not redeem with silver or gold. (Isaiah 52:3). For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world but forfeit his own soul (Mark 8:36).

As for me …….. I encountered God “face-to-face” in The Waiting Room….…and He changed me.

“Moses speaking “face-to-face” with God does not contradict the fact that

He was not allowed to see God’s face (Ex. 33:20), as “face-to-face” is a

Figurative expression suggesting openness and friendship” (cf. Num. 12:8;

Deut. 34:10; John 1:18).

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WHAT IS YOUR DESIRE?

WHAT IS YOUR DESIRE?……… I have been there – where I longed for the provisions of the Enemy more than I desired my own freedom…….I kept going back to the “familiar” only to be ensnared again and again, where I once thought myself to be victorious. I would sometimes allow people – the lust of my flesh – my pride – or my old mind-set to capture me and drag me into oppression………always leaving me with the same thought: “I thought I was finished with this?”

Many of the Elders desired quail. God used Moses as His instrument to set the captives free from slavery. Pharaoh, king of Egypt had ruled the Israelites with an iron fist….God’s people cried out and He heard them….. It seemed they desired freedom……. but that would come at great cost. Upon a series of Divine interventions, Pharaoh finally surrendered to God’s Sovereign Hand – and the children of Israel were on their way to a new life. – They were led out into the wilderness to be tested by God to expose the true desire of their hearts. God’s mode of deliverance was not what they expected – it seemed that “Manna” was not sufficient for their “exotic” taste – they began craving the familiar things….. They desired leaks and onions and at one point voiced their concerns to Moses….they longed for what the oppressor had to offer…….as long as they had full bellies. (Exodus 7-11; 14:11; Numbers 11:5, 33-34).

Think of a newborn baby……. all which is desired to satisfy is pure milk. You can tell by their reaction every few hours that this desire supersedes any other. When a mother decides to breast feed her baby – often she is advised to watch her intake of certain foods – to keep from causing her baby any discomfort – later as the baby matures – certain “unfamiliar” foods are introduced and eventually incorporated into their diet – generally under the watchful eye of a caring mother. Well, God’s care over the Israelites was much the same. He knew what was best and He wanted to expose their true desire – before they would be ready for the Promised Land……. But sadly, many of the Elders went to their death with quail still between their teeth – showing their ingratitude for God’s best…………… forfeiting their Destiny.

My desire is to keep seeking God and eating the fresh “Manna” of His Word – He does not want me shackled by the Oppressor, but I must leave the familiar behind to embrace the unfamiliar because He desires for me to walk in freedom as I enter the Promised Land.

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THE VISION IS FOR AN APPOINTED TIME ….. HABAKKUK 2:3

Empowering mothers through spiritual enrichment; while offering resources to better equip them to  partnership with men who are incarcerated to bring permanent change.

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