I saw the sunset slowly descending into the arid desert, the view was picturesque and captivating. At that moment a strong sensation came over me as I contemplated suicide. The fear of leaving my family behind triggered thoughts like a jigsaw puzzle – the pieces didn’t fit into my plans to be freed from a life of pain. I could see that my position did not carry any weight at the company where I had invested the last twenty years of my life – there was a “storm” raging in my emotions with waves colliding between shame and failure. There was no escape!!
I had been intoxicated with success. I gazed into the mirror – but somehow I did not recognize the person staring back at me. I had become a people pleaser, saying “yes” when my response should be “no.” I was caught up in the standards for my corporate position: seventeen hours each day just to break even in the department of respect – my colleagues were running the same race. Climbing this ladder had become arduous and my recent diagnosis did not help. I was sinking in quick sand and there was no life-line. My co-workers were oblivious – they were recycled like the wives in Hollywood. I needed Someone to peer into my soul and tell me that I could make it and that tomorrow I would enjoy the sunset. I tried to restrain my emotions as the tears welled up in my eyes – engulfed!! The dryness in my throat was an expression of my parched soul. My mind was encased like a tomb – surrounded by death!! I needed Living Water. In desperation I reached into my glove compartment to grab my revolver, holstered in a leather pouch – to finally silence the “voices” in my head. My fingers stumbled across an unfamiliar Book – my curiosity peeked. When was it placed there? I secured it in my hands and looking down I saw my name inscribed on the cover – then I opened it and on the front page these words were written “To my Husband, This is your Lifeline” I turned the page and I read “In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth” instantly a Light flooded my soul. I felt as if a chain had been broken – and the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders – a burden I had carried for the last decade.
I embraced my leather bound Bible and began weeping – thankful that my wife had replaced my revolver with this Beautiful Book – now a symbol of the Power of my Creator and her prayers. His Supernatural Guidance in my wife’s life had been evident since she began her new relationship with Him. I had watched her quiet life of peace and unselfishness and I secretly longed for what she had found. Today I was given a “Gift” – no longer an illusion. The darkness was finally dispelled by The True Light. For so long I had lived like a wandering vagabond – needing a Place of Refuge. Today I only hear “The Voice of Redemption”!!!
A word of warning: Suicide is an emotional battle. Some people hear “voices” telling them to harm themselves. When you give up in life because of circumstances – you don’t always have to physically kill yourself, but your hopes, dreams and determination die and this is how the Devil kills and destroys our future.
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